Hello,
I am enjoying my summer so far and have had more time to think about things in my life. I have been seeing a counselor and has definitely helped with my depression and has also opened my eyes to the way I think and why I think that way.
I have always been a person who is dedicated to whatever I would like to accomplish. To accomplish my Bachelors degree I went through numerous seizures, car accidents, brain surgery, and another surgery to take of a cancer I thought I had. No matter what, I was always focused on the goal of graduating from college. I accomplished that and then moved on. That is when my passion for photography just exploded and it has been a huge part of my life. I have decided to focus on photojournalism because I have always been interested in people, how they are raised, why they think how they think or do the things they do. I am so passionate about this that I have put myself in numerous dangerous positions just to get a good shot.
Speeking to my counselor, he saw how passionate I am about this but made me think about something. No matter how good of a photo I take, I never feel that it is good enough. No matter how many compliments I get, I never think it is good enough. I have never been able to take a compliment but still am always trying to satisfy the needs of others instead of my own. This opened my eyes to where it all started and it may be no surprise to a lot of you, but it all started with how I was never good enough for my father. No matter how hard I tried and what I accomplished, I never felt I satified him. This has led (unconsciously) to how I live today and always worry about what other people think and can never hold things in. I always feel a sense of guilt even though I have not done anything wrong.
This has made me think about how I should really live my life and what I need to do to keep a long term relationship because all this ties in.
In short, I have opened my eyes to how I have lived my life and now need to find a way to live it in a more happy and satisfying way.
Hope this isn't too corny but just thought this was an important stage in my life.
P.S. the photo above is of the Sacramento Water Pump in the early morning. I took it yesterday morning and was surprised how well it turned out.
